2013: the year the boys stopped letting me read to them. Well, it was probably time.
Silly how I would still be reading to kids aged 11 and 14, right? Thing is, it gave me insight on what they were reading, let me foist my favorite authors on their little ears, and gave me an excuse to explore stuff I should have read by now anyway.
There are benefits to reading aloud daily for a decade and a half, including the fact that I now have a decent radio voice, and can read from a script without sounding like a robot …something one must learn to do in order to accept awards gracefully.
On Friday I shared how I should have been anxious about an impending Sunday afternoon workshop with comedy writer and actor Lauren Weedman, but wasn’t, and why that should have been a sign of impending doom. Or not.
I suspected the whole afternoon would serve as confirmation that I should never be on stage, but then I’d have a few laughs and maybe grab a selfie with Lauren for my blog.
When I was in high school I took a community theater acting class. I figured I’d do a couple local plays, maybe a commercial. Then someone would discover my ginormous talent as well as my singing ability and it would come in handy that I knew all the lyrics to my double album set of Grease: The Movie.
My path to superstardom would be pretty much set from there, I thought, but first I had to pay my dues. I tried out for a school play.
When Mike and I announced our engagement a bajillion years ago, someone’s crusty relative gave us a pamphlet outlining the secrets to a happy marriage. This must have been material scavenged from some 1950s era backwoods church storeroom. The drawings looked like something from a Dick and Jane reader. And the pamphlet was primarily focused on advice for the wife in the so-called “happy marriage.”
It included all manner of gems like always have a hot meal ready for him when he comes home, and never greet him at the door with curlers in your hair.
So, it’s T-minus-two-weeks before Christmas, and not only have we not shopped, decorated, or completed the Christmas letter, I’m not even tempted to arrange the reasons why in a cute Twas the Night Before Christmas format.
And for that you’re welcome.
Of course, because I’m a giver, I’m going to put off all the holiday rigamarole for another little while, pour another cup of coffee, and contemplate the
3.5 ways I will have destroyed Christmas before it even gets here
1. I’ll probably have a melt-down while decorating. Jack suggested we skip the tree this year. Our fourteen year-old would rather SKIP CHRISTMAS than see me blow a gasket putting up our fake tree that wore out years ago. Every year, we drag the thing up from the basement, stack the sections together, place them in the holder and painstakingly pull out branches and fluff them up to look artfully not-fake.
I’ve never been into making New Year’s resolutions. Those things are pretty much doomed by Valentine’s Day, and it’s hard to annually decide on something simultaneously important enough to actually address, but not so much I mind dooming it to the traditional resolution process.
Last New Year’s I made my first resolution of my adult life by committing time to write every day for fun.
Carving out a daily hour or two isn’t easy. Everybody around here revs up early, and in order to have me-time, I have to get up earlier. I’m no more a morning person than I am a resolution person.
That being said, I’m on track to have written nearly every day from January on. Rather than losing steam, I’m more energized than ever. No more dreaming up something good, then forgetting it when it worms its way out of my head before I can pay attention.
I’ve posted in this blog about my fear of being the biggest hillbilly family on the block by virtue of my approach to yard work. If anyone takes offense to the term “hillbilly,” I actually mean to say a “hill person” or, um, “prairie challenged,” whatever.
To clarify for the purposes of this post, in using the term this time, I’m talking less about the number of dogs one has sleeping under the porch than I am an attitude; a general prickliness toward one’s neighbors. That and a propensity to threaten people with firearms are all you need to be a hillbilly by my reckoning. And maybe a bad haircut.
What I’m actually referring to is the full-on Hatfield-slash-McCoy situation going on in my neighborhood.
At an early meeting last week, a colleague pointed at a spot on my screen where colored boxes blended into a menacing hue: one of several points on my calendar where meetings were stacked on each other.
“What’s that?” he asked.
“THAT is where I figure out how to be four places at once,” I said, “unless an asteroid hits the earth and ends life as we know it. Which could also happen.”
My colleague is a very active community volunteer. He’s retired, kids grown, a prolific reader, an amateur woodworker, and blah, blah, sundry other stuff one does when one has spare time.
“Your week is more crowded than my entire month,” he said. “I’m going home to take a nap.”
You left Tuesday with your carry-on bag and toiletry kit,
And I think you said business in Houston, or Baltimore.
Your mom can’t believe I don’t ask for flight info, a hotel number
And what car rental company you’re using,
But I know we can Facetime whenever,
So what does it matter where you are? Not here.
I know this week you probably saw something interesting, And you had a joke to share with me,
Or maybe a thought that bubbled up,
Spurred by a historic building, or urban art, or a homeless wanderer.
But traveling alone is never quite as interesting to describe later
As to live first-hand.
And here I’ve been, keeping the pace
Of violin lessons and swim team and car pools,
And early meetings and evening meetings all scheduled when I forgot
You were traveling this week,
Not to mention getting dinner on the table at least once or twice
(Hot dogs last night)
There will be a time when we have more time,
When the kids and our work are done and we’ve rid ourselves of the crazy.
When we can think. And talk. And sleep, read, breathe.
Until then, ‘I miss you’ means ‘I miss your face, voice, stories,’
But it also means ‘I wish you could drive the kids to school tomorrow,
Because, Jesus I’m tired of thinking through how to be two of us at once.’
One of the jobs I had before I do what I do was for a fashion designer. I kept tabs on which factory was producing what garment in what country, when it would ship and to where.
When a job opened that would have been a promotion, I thought maybe by virtue of proximity I would have gleaned enough information about the fashion industry to be a candidate. It’s not like I would have been designing clothing, so maybe they’d overlook the fact I had no degree or experience in fashion. Or any interest in fashion. Or that I dressed like an unpaid college student who got lost in Casual Corner.