Parenting Archives - Page 7 of 18

The thrilling life of parents of teens

April 28, 2015 No Comments

cowboy_violin — The genesis of cowboy violin.

This weekend we took the kids to a symphony. It’s good for all of us to see a concert once in a while that isn’t either (a) in a school gym, or (b) accented by strobe lights.

We’d seen this orchestra before. Not world famous, but they fill a nearly thousand-seat auditorium. They sponsor an annual competition for young musicians, the three winners of which were the featured soloists on this night.

The performances were amazing, and not “that’s really remarkable for a kid,” kind of good, but these young people were fully capable of pulling off outstanding solos in front of a 70-piece orchestra. Two played the piano and one was a violinist. All teenagers.

Mike leaned over during one standing ovation.

“I’ll bet they never get yelled at to practice,” he said.

Parenting

What was the thing with sports, again?

April 10, 2015 No Comments

swimmers — Go that way. Fast. Stay afloat.

There have been times when the worry that I have screwed up one of my kids keeps me up at night.

Then one of them will say or do something to make me realize (a) any mom guilt I carry around is probably unwarranted, because (b) everyone I’ve raised likely stopped paying attention to me by about kindergarten anyway.

Take the thing with sports. Since the kids were enough to walk, we’ve had them in one sport or another, season after season. It’s not that either of us is particularly athletic. And if we ever wondered whether anybody around here harbored some latent talent that would one day fund college, that ceased to be a question the minute somebody lobbed a ball into his own team’s net, or became so engrossed in conversation he forgot he was in the game.

Parenting, Travel

No, YOU take a number

March 27, 2015 No Comments

This was the week. I couldn’t put Jack off any longer with the whole driver’s license thing.

It was spring break, so we’d finally be available during the window that the DMV is open for testing. Jack had fulfilled the long list of requirements I had for chauffeuring him to that end of town – very near the Seventh Circle of Hell, otherwise known as The Mall.

I rather thought a trip to that end of town was going to be the worst part about the whole afternoon.

This is the part where you chuckle nervously about my naiveté.

Parenting

Here’s the thing about spring break

March 23, 2015 11 Comments

It was about this time last year when I mentioned to our exchange student, Guillermo, that we’d be taking a trip to Argentina next spring and hoped to visit his family.

Ever since I’d left Mike and the kids for a month-long exchange to Buenos Aires, exactly ten years ago, I’ve been itching to go back and experience that very vibrant, exciting part of the world with my family. I think if one could combine New York, New Orleans, San Francisco, and Seattle into one city where everyone switches randomly from speaking Spanish to Italian to German, it would be a little like Buenos Aires.

Well, here it is spring break, 2015, and airline tickets to Argentina have yet to magically materialize.

There are several reasons for this, the biggest being the fact that it’s freaking expensive to fly an entire family to Argentina.

Parenting

The dude on the doorstep

March 20, 2015 No Comments

Last weekend, I spent a considerable amount of time mulling over what to put in the subject line for a neighborhood email. What was called for, I think, was just the right amount of urgency tempered with calm concern. I didn’t want to start a panic.

“How about ‘Everybody, grab your pitchforks and meet us at the park?’” Mike said.

When I’m looking for serious suggestions, that’s Mike’s cue to come up with something absurd or sarcastic. Actually, that’s kind of his MO regardless of the situation. He’s usually more focused on being a comic than helpful.

It’s a gift.

At this particular moment, I think he was tossing out quips to keep from throwing something more substantial.

I wasn’t entirely sure what I was going for with this neighborhood alert, except a little heads up that we had an evangelist making the rounds in our ‘hood, who also happened to be a registered sex offender.

… Yeah, you read that right.

Parenting

Crafts that will make your kids hate you: Repurposed pharmacy bags

March 16, 2015 15 Comments

The other day I realized we were out of brown paper lunch bags for Jack.

Because we’re a family of quasi-hoarders, we had a readily available alternative:

There are downsides, of course, to sending your kid to school looking like he’s hauling a bag of prescriptions. Which means Mike and I spent a few minutes debating whether it would be okay to just cross out the label with a sharpie and put “smootchy” or “kissyface” over the top. We know how much Jack loves the opportunity to share our pet names for him with all his hombres at school.

Nonsense, Parenting, Uncategorized

Orthodontorture actually IS a word

March 13, 2015 11 Comments

When I picked the boys up from the dentist the other day the news was good and then … not so good.

“No cavities,” the hygienist said. Then, pointing at Colin: “I wonder if it’s time for him to see an orthodontist.”

I can answer that, just based on my own powers of observation, and since the kid is still able to (a) chew his own food and (b) doesn’t have any obvious snaggle-tooth issues going on yet.

No, it’s not. Nope-ity. Nope. Nope.

I am not speaking, of course, as a professional. I am quite sure that people go to school for a helluva long time in order to tell me whether it’s time to fit my kid with dental ironworks.

My perspective is that of a survivor.

Parenting

We never were a Mustachioed Nation

March 9, 2015 No Comments

Esteemed Representative Nuxoll,

I just wanted to drop you a little note to thank you for the interesting family discussions around here recently.

So often, conversations based on the antics of politicians and others of note end up going places I’d rather not. Such was the case with a certain Toronto Mayor last year, and before that a senator with an unfortunate surname and a predilection for smart phone portraits of his mister bits.

But your recent actions weren’t awkward in any sense that has to do with photos of body parts, or what someone may or may not be snorting up his nose. Our conversations about what you had to say recently were just plain interesting.

What’s more, when you stood outside that legislative chamber last week in protest to an opening prayer offered in Hindu, you really owned it. Others offered feeble excuses like being tardy and embarrassed about interrupting a solemn moment.

But not you, Representative. You and at least two others of your disposition stood up for your convictions. Even if doing so showed you to be embarrassingly small-minded, you owned it. Go you.

Talk about a teachable moment. This was a humdinger, lady.

Parenting

Tattoo Who?

March 2, 2015 21 Comments

unicorn — One day, if all goes well, I WILL be on your butt.

“Hey mom, can I ask you a hypothetical question?”

This is Jack’s way of introducing a subject he thinks might provoke a strong response.

He’s also driving. I’m his passenger. The smart thing to do would be to say no. No questions.

But this isn’t the blog you come to for exceptional parenting advice from someone who thinks things through before speaking. If you’ve been here any length of time, you probably know where this is going.

“Hmmm?” I say.

“What would you say about my getting a tattoo?”

Parenting

Let’s just talk about that eye roll

February 23, 2015 10 Comments

Oh honey, do me the smallest favor and take a mental snapshot of this moment right now.

You can pull it out later, say, in thirty years or so, and remember when you first heard the words that I’m sure will one day be coming out of your mouth.

Only the tables will be turned, as they say. The shoes will be on the other feet. You’ll think “Hey, I know just who I sound like,” and you’ll realize that the person sitting across from you regards you as not just the dim-bulb-on-the-marquee kind of stupid, but dumber-than-a-sack-of-hammers stupid.

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